cardboard boxes in the attic

e.l.

you hang around the corners of the room

tiptoe through the halls as if you don’t live here, too

like a ghost

there but not quite there

always watching me with those too-bright eyes

i know you expect more from me

but there’s no more of myself to give

i don’t want to watch your face fall--

crocodile tears sliding down your cheeks

antique-store china shattering on the hardwood floor

and the heavy banging of the door behind you

so i give you a worn-out smile

say “i love you” half-heartedly

sit across from you 

at the table you so carefully set

place the cloth napkin on my lap

pick up the dinner fork

eat the pasta you made from scratch

tell you that your dress looks pretty

watch a shy smile light up your face

and look away too quickly

i should let you go

find someone who will return

all the love you have to give

but i am selfish

i take your love

and stow it away in cardboard boxes

let it sit untouched in the corners of the attic

where the light doesn’t reach

collecting dust

and waiting

i tell myself i’ll take it out 

eventually

i promise i’ll treasure it

someday