unstartled and furious

aspen y.

an ode to letdowns 

and how unstartled and furious i was when each happened

unstartled and furious that when college was discussed in my classes 

girls discussed how to stay safe at parties, recommending lid-covers and pepper sprays 

and we all sat silently when we realized that on a friday afternoon, a girl was still waking up on another campus just being raped 

unstartled and furious when i’ve realized every single girl i have met on this campus has a story 

and if they don’t, i immediately fear for the day they will 

an ode to hearing “this time” when men go out and rape

“this time he was just a little rough” 

“this time i was a little drunk” 

“this time i made him a little angry” 

when the “this time” becomes “not this time” and then” “unfortunately this time” 

“unfortunately this time we didn’t have any evidence to prove your claims” 

“unfortunately this time we have eyewitnesses claiming you weren’t with him at all ” 

“unfortunately this time, there was nothing we could do” 

unstartled and furious at the lack of education offered in a place of learning

and how long it’s been that way 

an ode to the things kept from us 

to the healing that’s been done in the privacy of our own homes 

crying into another girl’s shoulders 

because it’s better than crying in a station all alone when nothing can be done

it will always be uncomfortable to discuss what we ignore

it will always be easier to push down the hard-to-swallow 

but it will never be right

an ode to startled and pleased

when things are finally done the way they were supposed to be.